I'm a Meatatarian



No veggies? No problem.

I'm a red-blooded, God-fearing, feisty American and I like meat. I know how it's produced, I'm comfortable with the sacrifice made to yield it and I can prepare it 154 ways to amaze even the most skeptical foodie. I eat it at almost every meal and even snack-time if some beef jerky is handy. That's right, I'm a meatatarian.

 

You might be wondering what a meatatarian is, so pay attention while I drop a profound answer in your lap:

meatatarian: a person who, for a variety of reasons, eats mostly meat and very few vegetables. This dietary 'lifestyle' may be due to allergies or could be attributed to a sincere distaste for most vegetables.

I fall into the latter of those two descriptions - I have eaten a lot of vegetables in my twenty-somethings years, in fact it was a rule in the Buzzard household that you had to clean your plate before getting up for dinner. I actually tested this rule to the max when I was seven and fell asleep at dinner because I didn't want to eat spinach.

 

In spite of my avoidance plan, leftover spinach graced my plate at lunch-time the next day. The only thing worse than spinach is leftover, re-warmed spinach. Gag.

 

However, upon leaving the parental castle for college I vowed that I would not continue to eat another food that I despised, thereby depriving those who enjoy vegetables from what they view as an exemplary eating experience. Hence, my diet consists of meat, dairy, grains -- sometimes whole, others not -- and fruit. Often times, my plate contains meat, cottage cheese and a potato/green beans/corn/squash; however, if said potato dish includes peppers or other contemptible vegetable intruders, I quickly jump off the veggie train.

 

It's worth noting that I have tried almost every vegetable in the grocery store so I'm not condemning them without actually having tried them. You name it and I've *probably* tried it and subsequently, disliked it.

 

Bear in mind, I do have vegetarian friends. They are insanely awesome and although we poke fun at one another about dietary choices, I have never seriously tried to convert them back to meat-eaters and they have never tried to persuade me to stop gorging on bacon and steak. They have their reasons for choosing their lifestyle and I have mine. We can all coexist and co-eat in peace.

 

I often wish that I did like vegetables. I see commercials for fresh salads chock full of crispy fresh peppers, cucumbers and carrots. I would love to partake, really I would, but my most recent attempt at ingesting crunchy, fresh salad-type foods led to a near vomit experience in the local Olive Garden. I doubt they would have viewed me as family if I had spewed in the garden.

 

My ordering process at restaurants drives my husband insane but I fail to understand why my palate restricts his meal experience. I challenge you to find a restaurant in existence in which I couldn't suss out at least one thing to eat - plain is always an option - therefore, my food preferences should in no way affect his options.  I profess that I am not a picky eater; I know what I want and I eat a lot of it. Steak, bacon, burgers, chops, wings - bring all the smokey, spiced and sauced goodness to me on a silver platter and I shall demolish it in one fell swoop.

So, to my fellow meatatarians, here are some survival tips for navigating through an increasingly veggo-filled world:

• Do not be ashamed of your choices - God made you this way and no one can argue with that.
• Keep a close eye out for veggies that are added but not disclosed - i.e. the bacon and cheese hot dog in a pretzel bun at Sonic does not make buyers aware of onions in the mix but they are sure 'nuff on the dog.
• When the day arrives that you're tired of defending your choices (and it will come, no fail), claim to be allergic to specific vegetables. This strategy will immediately stop whatever heckling you're receiving. I have used this at Taco Bell in order to stop the staff from ignoring my requests about a lettuce-less burrito.
• Pose the question, "If I were a vegetarian would you be giving me this much guff?"
• Refer to one of any number of Ron Swanson classics - here, here and here.
• Bonus info: if you order fajitas and ask for no onions or peppers, they will often double the amount of meat you're getting so the portion sizes are equal. Huzzah!

I imagine, in the distant future, there will be a support group for folks like myself who, despite society's need to interrogate and force change upon our dietary choices needs, have chosen to eat mostly animal products mixed in with a few whole grains and some fruit.

Stand strong, fellow meatatarians, and let protein drive the force.

Until next time,
~ Buzzard ~

If Plants Were Made to Lay Eggs - They Would be Pleggs

Real eggs - not pleggs

I've been watching FOX News a lot lately, it's the nature of my job, and last week a story came on about eggs made from plants.

EGGS. made. from plants.

What on earth is happening to our food supply?

First, it was in-vitro meat. Apparently eating meat that has been raised using naturally occuring hormones is gross however eating meat grown in a PETRI DISH in a lab is ethical and meets naturally grown standards.

Now, we are going to be seeing egg-less eggs in retailers around the nation and they will make their debut in none other than Whole Foods.

Dear Hampton Creek Foods (creator of this wonder): an egg by definition is a)  the hard-shelled reproductive body produced by a bird and especially by the common domestic chicken;  b)  an animal reproductive body consisting of an ovum together with its nutritive and protective envelopes and having the capacity to develop into a new individual capable of independent existence

You smellin' what I'm steppin' in? An egg cannot be plant based - eggs come from animals. I don't care how many plants, artificial sweeteners, preservatives or powders you put into a pot and melt together, the product that results is a plant. I'm calling them "pleggs" - join me.

 

The CEO of Hampton Creek Foods, says the product was developed for many reasons, including his concern about chickens contributing to greenhouse gas accumulation every year. I didn't realize chickens were so flatulent.

 

Do you know that eggs provide numerous nutritional benefits? Look at these digits:

• 6 grams of protein (12% of daily recommended intake)
• 10% of your daily Vitamin D
• 8% Vitamin B12
• all for only 70 calories per egg
• and they're super versatile and can be used in a variety of ways!

I was unable to find nutritional info for the pleggs (and I honestly looked on their website for such info) but I'd bet the farm that they have nowhere near the same amount of Vitamin D or protein as a regular, REAL egg. 

Just to clarify, I understand some people have food allergies and really embrace this type of product and for that purpose, I applaud pleggs Beyond Eggs. However, I think it's hogwash that, on the other side of the spectrum, a few folks who strive for natural, wholesome food are in favor of lab produced protein sources.

Asinine. Just asinine.

Until next time,
~ Buzzard ~

The thoughts and opinions of this blog post strictly represent that of Brandi Buzzard Frobose and are NOT representative of any other entity or organization.

PETA is Happy Detroit Went Bankrupt

image credit

 



Why? Because it gives the animal rights organization the opportunity to get some good press. PETA president Ingrid Newkirk offered to give $100,000 to the city of Detroit, which filed for bankruptcy recently, if the city will offer vegan only meals in government buildings.

No lie.

Furthermore, Newkirk offered to purchase ad space on government vehicles like firetrucks and police cars to keep those public works funded. Obviously, this is great opportunity for PETA to get some face time and I'm guessing the organization is more interested in publicity than helping out the city of Detroit. Read here for the full story but you get the idea.

I think I'd rather be broke than in cahoots with PETA. Stay strong, Detroit. Like a rock.

Until next time,
~ Buzzard ~