This strays from my regular content, so I apologize to
my consistent readers (all five of you). Since our anniversary was yesterday, I've been thinking and praying a lot about marriage and I really can’t keep this in
anymore. I don’t know if it’s just my Facebook feed or if it’s a social media
pandemic but it seems that a new “Six Reasons He’s the One”-type article pops
every day. I take issue with this.
|Three years in the book and I didn't need a Yahoo! article to tell me he was the one|
Basing your definition of a successful relationship off a
Buzzfeed article may be entertaining but ask the 50% of married couples who end
up divorced how entertaining it was that their match enjoyed "telling each other things you've never told anyone else.” Yeah, I bet he really enjoyed hearing
about your defaulted loans, that pregnancy scare with an old boyfriend and how
you chew up your cat’s food before each feeding. You just gave him the ammo to
embarrass you on a whole new level.
So below I break down and provide some truth, in my
opinon, to a few ridiculous reasons
you should permanently hitch your wagon to someone else for eternity (folks,
marriage is for life).
You laugh together: Seriously – do I need to explain why
this isn’t an indicator of your soul mate? People who I’ve laughed with: my
beef science professor, my doctor, my mailman – my point? Laughing with someone
doesn’t mean they automatically become marriage material – your soul mate might
be somber while you’re hysterical. Think,
You’re extremely attracted to him/her: Please see above.
Don’t let attraction overshadow compatibility. When you’re both 75, wrinkly and
saggy, you’ll be thankful for a smart, intelligent partner that you can
converse with daily.
You respect him/her: Shouldn’t you respect pretty much
everyone? If so, that doesn’t really set your potential life-partner apart from
You can imagine a future together: This is one is way too
often overused as a reason to marry someone. I imagined a future with a few
fellas before I met the Ninja and thank God imaginary is as far as it ever got.
They were good guys but building a life
is different than imagining one.
Your intuition tells you he’s the right one: Did your
intuition tell you that getting a rainbow unicorn tattoo on your neck was a
good idea, too? Sometimes our intuition is off - stick to concrete evidence.
You don’t have to try to impress him/her – You may love
sitting on the couch eating Chinese and watching NCIS, but maybe he is only sitting
next to you to please you. Will he suffer through that for 50+ years to keep
you happy? Or is it more likely that he'll eventually quit because honestly, there are better things to watch
and eat than NCIS and Chinese takeout?
I could go on but I think I’ve made my point. Every
marriage and relationship is different, so expecting some article to define
perfection (or the illusion of perfection) is asinine. Ready for some real advice?
Some of those articles have decent advice but the vast majority
(that I’ve seen) trigger an eye roll. I’m not a relationship expert but I don’t
think you have to be in order to make your own relationship decisions without
the use of a Redbook quiz or a Yahoo! shine article.
Pray, pray, pray – God has a plan for you and hopefully
you’re listening to Him.
Use your head – I feel like this should be common sense
but apparently that isn’t too common.
Don’t rush into marriage – maybe getting engaged after 6
weeks isn’t such a good idea.
Pay heed to red flags – does he refuse to clean up after
himself? Does that infuriate you to the point of a screaming match? Guess what
honey, he’s not going to change those habits. If you don’t like picking up
paper plates now, you’re really going to hate it in 40 years. From personal
experience: I’m still trying to get the Ninja to stop putting dishes on the
counter instead of in the sink (because the sink is clearly where you put dirty
dishes) and I’ve made no headway in five+ years. It’s not infuriating but it’s
annoying and it likely won’t have changed 47 years from now.
Pray some more - seriously.
Really want to know if someone is right for you and your
marriage will last? Well, so does everyone else. There’s no 100% guarantee that
it will work out. Marriage is a risk but if you commit to it completely and put
your whole heart and soul into your marriage and keep your faith in the middle,
it will be one of the most rewarding journeys you ever partake in, although
it’s also one of the most difficult.
Yes, you read that right. Marriage is hard, in addition
to being risky. Sure, the wedding planning and the big day are fantastic and
the honeymoon will provide you a lifetime of amazing memories but when you get
home that “what now” feeling will wash over you. The first year you live with
someone is MISERY (in the words of my good friend, Kylee). Weekends can make or break you! In college, when you had roomies,
there was always something going on but now you’re married. What are you going
to do when you have no weekend plans? Are you going to complain and whine about
it and let boredom breed contempt for your partner? Or are you going to go
outside and unload hay, play with the dogs, ride the horses, fix the fence etc
etc. Really want to bond with your partner? Clean a bathroom together after the
pipes have frozen and waste water has backed up into the tub. Team work makes
the dream work, people.
My point is, when you’ve got no big event to plan and
it’s just you and him and your daily activities and conversations, you discover
amazing things about each other and grow deeper and deeper in love. Brad Paisley sums it up very
What do you think? Am I off-base? Does anyone agree with
me? Comment below – shout out!
~ Buzzard ~
p.s. And on a semi-related note – I can’t even address
some of the stupid that is flowing from this
article. DON’T GET MARRIED BECAUSE TWO PAYCHECKS ARE BETTER THAN ONE.
Labels: divorce, engagement, family, life, marriage, Team Frobose, The Ninja